Out of the Blackness

Out of the Blackness - Carter Quinn Avery is broken. Years of phyical abuse throughout his childhood has left him with a severe anxiety disorder and a firm belief he doesn’t deserve to live. It is painful to watch him try to navigate everyday life where every stranger is a potential threat and where he flinches away from a handshake convinced the other person’s hand will soon land in his face.
His only anchor is Sam who has been his big brother and not left his side since they met in group home many years earlier. After learning more details of Avery’s childhood, Sam is the one who finally manages to find the therapist who might actually be able to help.

At about the same time Noah appears in Avery’s life. He sees through Avery’s fearful behaviour and is apparently gifted with more patience than the average person. He never pushes Avery further than he can handle and is happy taking things as slowly as need be.

This was not always an easy read. The descriptions of Avery’s abuse spare few details and just left me sick to my stomach. But they were necessary – I got Avery and his fears. There was always a reason and an explanation for every flinch and every panic attack. It hurt to see how the past had such a grip on every aspect of Avery’s life.

Even as Avery and Noah get closer and comfortable with each other we are constantly reminded of what kind of life Avery has had the past many years:
He lets me get settled in the middle of his big bed, on my left side with my back to the door – the first time since I was a small child, before the beatings began.

Watching Avery and Noah move forward with babysteps could have been boring but it is written so well it is just a wonderful ride.

The title is perfect. Avery has lived in the darkness for so long. And at the end there is light, hope, love and Noah.